February 25, 2009 The complete story, in chronological order
00:00 Still awake playing Final Fantasy: Dissidia
01:45 Finish Destiny Odyssey VIII Decide it's time to sleep, but not before I check twitter and facebook, even though I know that nothing has occurred on either of them.
01:56 Trying to sleep, listening to the sounds of two different clocks (one ticks, one sort of grinds away the hours)
02:00-07:30 Mostly asleep, I only mention 07:30 because that's when my alarms were supposed to go off if I had remembered to set them
08:30 The housekeeper knocks on the door and informs me that the time is eight-thirty. I groan and roll over, deciding I need another hour of sleep. I grab the grindy clock and set the alarm for 09:30 and head back to dreamland.
09:20 I open my eyes and wonder why the alarm hasn't gone off yet. Oh..
09:30 The alarm goes off and I quickly disable it. I hear my cellphone vibrating in my bag and wonder what it could mean. I pull it out and realize that it was set to silent and hence did not play the annoying yet wakefulness inspiring tune that I programmed it with. I decide that I should move myself out of the bed and stand up and yawn. I think about what Stephanie Holmes told me about keeping good thoughts rolling through my head. It cheers me up a bit. I find my uniform strewn about the room and put it on while counting out the $8583 I need to pay the school for the upcoming trip and also my books (I hope that the Rotary Club will reimburse me for the books). I collect some useful items into my school bag and go to the sink to wash my face (which could potentially solve the world's enegy crisis with the amount of oil it's been producing lately). I use a plastic yellow shoehorn to put on my well-worn Sketchers (which don't really hold up aganist the rainy days) and I head out the door of the fifth floor apartment locking it behind me.
09:50 I walk down the five flights of stairs because I've decided that if I can't bring myself to run every morning then I can at least walk up and down all the stairs I can. I head out the bottom door and press the call button on the intercom so the Adeng (the housekeeper) can let me in. She explains that she was about to come up and call me again. I take off my shoes, the backs of them are weakened and worn down, and I go to the dining room to pick up the bag of breakfast that Adeng has prepared for me. It's quiet in the house because my host parents are off in Nepal for a Rotary function probably having to do with all the clothing our district donated. They won't be back until Saturday.
10:00 I head out the door and realize that my Easycard (for paying public transportation fares) is running low so I'll have to take the MRT so I can recharge it (I don't think one can do that on the bus). So, I head to ZhongXiaoDunHua Station and go to the Add Money Machine putting another $200 on my card. From there, I head to Taipei City Hall Station and disembark, heading out Exit 2. Past the 7-Eleven, cross the street, make a right and walk one and a half blocks to my highschool.
10:25 Sign in with Mr. Lee. "Your late again," he reminds me. I try to explain that I like sleeping and he chuckles. "When did you go to sleep?" he asks, and I say 01:30. "Oh, you were up late watching TV or on Skype or surfing the web?" Yeah, that and playing video games. He says he thinks I'm too old for video games. At some point, I looked at the sign-in sheet and found that my average "in" time has been close to 09:30. Monday, I arrived at 08:30. I mention that it would be awesome if I could be here that early all the time, and Mr. Lee agrees. Before I head off to Class 218, I ask Mr. Lee if there is any sort of Japanese class here at the school. There is and they meet on Thursdays from 4:00PM to 5:50PM. See you. Byebye.
10:30 Walk into the middle of math class and the teacher barely glances my way. I take out my datebook and cross off the last three days. "Three more months," crosses my mind and I turn to today and look at what I've planned for myself. Write a poem, work on Creepy ManDog, read One Hundred Years of Solitude. I start reading a little while eating a peanutbutter sandwich and then I decide to lose myself in Creepy ManDog for the next two hours, from math through english, until something the english teacher says inspires me to draw a cowboy saying, "Avenue ever heard of Sherrif Willis?" to a horse saying, "Nosiree," and give it to Leo who sits behind me right now.
12:00 It's lunch time. I eat the banana in my breakfast bag and Leo and I head to the school's food sales division. I buy a bottle of Lemon Red Tea and a BaoZi and pay the $28. Leo trades me a $10 coin for 10 $1 coins as we walk back to the classroom. I tell Leo about Final Fantasy and the Japanese class which would maybe help me understand a little more of what they're saying in Final Fantasy (because it's all in Japanese). I give my bag of little sweet tomatoes to the girl next to Leo because I don't really like them. I try to eat some of the BaoZi, but my insides are a little disagreeable, so I take a few bites and swig some tea and save the rest for later.
12:30 Nap time. I try to sleep on my hat. I drool a little. The bell rings.
13:00 Biology class. I debate whether to pull out the Biology book I paid for this morning. I pull out One Hundred Years of Solitude instead and read the whole period.
14:00 I decide to slip out to the library, but stop at the bathroom first. In the library, I check my e-mail. 21 new messages. I delete half of them. Those remaining include: two from Dad, one about an evening Chinese class, a few about picture comments on Facebook, a few from the Fastwebs scholarship search, and a few from an online literary magizine tht I've forgotten my password for. I look at the picture comments and then the one about the evening chinese class, which I decided against taking. I open up the first one from Dad about SLOBs, but the page it links to won't load correctly, so I'll figure it out later. The second one from Dad brings me a fresh perspective on what I've been up to lately and it brings me down a little bit while at the same time giving me a little encouragement. I make a picture called "Lazer Stone" which a classmate says is cute, but a can't figure out how to save it.
14:30 I start writing this blog.
15:54 I write this sentence.
16:00 I leave the library gather my things and walk home to clean my room and start getting ready to change families on Sunday. Probably will make another self-portrait using the traditional chinese office supplies.
23:00 Please be asleep.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
It's like, "Groan" and then you plan out what your going to do.
I felt good about waking up today and I can only make vague speculations as to why it happaned that way. Not that it's at all bad to feel good about waking up, I am relieved, it's been a long time and I was starting to worry if something was deeply awry with me. Anyway, I do so enjoy making vague speculations about why I feel a certain way at a certain time, so with out further adeux...
I believe it was several coinciding states of mind, first: yesterday night, after a few boring hours in an internet cafe, I decided that I can and should follow my dream of being an artist in whatever way I can. I think I finally reawakened my childhood mentality on the act of making and it feels good to draw again.
The second state of mind had to do with making a plan of what things I would need to carry out today (like finish reading my book, write a poem, work on elaborating Creepy ManDog (a comic book), and stop at the bookstore later). Doing that has always given me a sense that the next day has something in store for me. Quite unlike following the idea that one should live everyday like it's his last, that just makes me want to be as comfortable as possible and play video games all day and then just curl up and die. "I'm going to live everyday like it's my last!"-Famous last words of Jimmy Phillips, who died testing bungee chords.
So those to factors allowed me to feel good about getting out of bed and not feel so fatigued throughout the whole day, which is great. I hope my whole week is like this.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Fights and Unlikely Heroes
I started work today on a project that I think I will be able to finish before my return. It's a series of drawings called "Fights and Unlikely Heroes" and my hope is that someday I can turn the drawings into prints. I think printmaking is one of the art forms I most enjoy, but don't have the resources to pursue right now.
Anyway, the match-ups I have so far are: Baboon vs. Taiwanese Aboriginal, Abraham Lincoln vs. Leonidus (inspired by David Dukes' Halloween costume from last year, "Lincolnidus"), Firefighter vs. Tyrannasaurus Rex, Giraffe vs. Marathon Runner, Numbered Cardinals vs. Cardinal Numbers, and three more that I've forgotten.
I got my school books back today after they'd dissappeared for three months. I'm glad because now I can actually try to follow along in class and get something out of it.
I recieved a letter from my good friend, Kelly DeRolf, yesterday and that really cheered me up a whole lot. It was good to hear about what she was doing and for some reason it reminded me of all the things I've been doing and that I really have been having a great year. I think I'll blame the "exchange cycles" for convincing me that I wasn't.
One last thing, I keep writing this and no one ever gives me any feedback. I'm told bunches of people read this and I want to know what they have to say about things, or maybe they have questions I could answer this way. You could even just write "cool". Or "wizard".
Anyway, the match-ups I have so far are: Baboon vs. Taiwanese Aboriginal, Abraham Lincoln vs. Leonidus (inspired by David Dukes' Halloween costume from last year, "Lincolnidus"), Firefighter vs. Tyrannasaurus Rex, Giraffe vs. Marathon Runner, Numbered Cardinals vs. Cardinal Numbers, and three more that I've forgotten.
I got my school books back today after they'd dissappeared for three months. I'm glad because now I can actually try to follow along in class and get something out of it.
I recieved a letter from my good friend, Kelly DeRolf, yesterday and that really cheered me up a whole lot. It was good to hear about what she was doing and for some reason it reminded me of all the things I've been doing and that I really have been having a great year. I think I'll blame the "exchange cycles" for convincing me that I wasn't.
One last thing, I keep writing this and no one ever gives me any feedback. I'm told bunches of people read this and I want to know what they have to say about things, or maybe they have questions I could answer this way. You could even just write "cool". Or "wizard".
Fruit Bats and Aye-ayes
I have never ever claimed to be a morning person. Actually, I usually get this burst of energy and wakefulness at the time when everyone else is asleep. I'll never understand this, but it usually leads to things like sleeping in until noon and getting fussed at by "normal" people because I'm wasting half of my life by sleeping for 12 hours (which isn't true. Maybe they see me go to bed at 10:00, but that doesn't necessarily mean I went to sleep at 12:00, or even 2:00). Maybe this lifestyle will eventually lead to some horrible consequence, but I don't see nocturnal animals ever getting fussed at.
Anyway, yesterday I decided that instead of this year being another year in the "best life of my life", I would rather this year was the best year of my life, I mean, I can always say that for every year after this one if I want. The thing is, I only have about four months to step it up and make my time here mean something to me. I want every day to be memorable in some way, even if I make a mistake.
Things here never really were that bad (things never are), it was only my overdramatic, idealistic brain jumping to conclusions and telling me that I need a good reason to get out of bed. There's really no good reason to sleep the day away though, even if I am nocturnal.
Monday, February 9, 2009
A Good Conversation I Think Should Be Shared
This is an e-mail conversation I had with my good friend Sam Zolin, who is currently living in Pittsburgh, PA and attending college there. I must warn you it is rather long and deep so if you don't have time to read it that's okay, I just thought we maybe touched on some things here that should be shared.
Jan 29, 2009
Hey Nigel,
I am a terrible blog owner and just read your comment from the 14th on my blog, and felt I should respond. I don't know if it was being quasi-sheltered in York for so long, or if we're just going through dramatic changes in our lives and adapting to them is taking more time than we anticipated.
I don't know if this has been your experience, but I know that here there is infinite time. Besides maybe 3 hours of class per day, you end up with a ton of time otherwise where you try to do work and are sometimes successful and you try to be friends with people and are sometimes successful and a lot of times you end up laying awake after your roommate is asleep wondering what you're doing and why things aren't as you imagined them. They aren't worse, just nothing like you expected them to be.
I feel not exclusively taken back, but also pulled forwards. Like the past is grabbing my left arm, the future my right, and they're both leaning back with all of their weight. I feel like I carry the weight of obligations, expectations, successes, and failures from the past,and like I carry that same weight in a different sense for the future. But at this moment it's more or less like the future is simultaneously far-off and right in my face. Time goes so quickly and so slowly. I guess, at least from my perspective, everything is paradoxical and there's no precise, 100% valid description of my experience. I have a hunch that you're feeling somewhat similar.
I don't think there is a way to "change" that. I think it's normal and natural and shows that we're human. I don't know if you've read "Tuesdays With Morrie," but I think one of the general concepts presented is that it is a good thing to feel weird and unusual,because it shows that you're going through new experiences and at the end of them, you can say "Oh, I felt disconnected because I was going through this," and in the future you know why you feel how you do and you can possibly even enjoy the feeling, or at least savor it for awhile. I might be remembering it wrong. You could probably read the whole book in less than an hour.
So anyway, I guess those are my feelings. By the way, I am extremely sorry for not attending the skype/oovoo sessions a week or two ago. One day my roommate was sleeping and the other day i slept in afterwaking up at 7:30am every day. If it would be possible to set one up so that it would be evening in Pennsylvania and morning in Taiwan,that would probably be more do-able for me. But I'd like to talk to you, and Sarah would also like to meet you via skype or oovoo (i'll d/l that tomorrow). Anyway, I have to go to bed, hopefully you'll get this soon. Let me know if/when you do.
Best wishes,
Sam
Jan 31,2009
Thanks, Sam,
Do you remember the chorus from "New Year's Song" (the part that's like "take me out of context)? Well, I didn't really realize when I wrote it just how far out of context I would be taken in a year's time. I don't mean just the distance my body is from where I came to be, I mean finding myself in an almost completely different situation from the one I was in when I left home.
With this whole exchange process, I'm given "parents" and a "family" even some "friends", but when it comes down to it, I'm living alone and for myself, deciding what I think is right, forming my own opinions and beliefs. Maybe it stems from the fact that I'm on vacation right now and I really haven't been kept very busy. I have too much time too get bogged down in thoughts and I figured out one night that I need other people a lot more than I ever imagined.
This is the time my "real" mom wants me to look for scholarships and prepare enough so that my return isn't more uncomfortable than it's already going to be. I feel pretty unproductive lately though. I haven't been drawing and when I do, the fire that allowed me to create things that people liked enough to give me awards seems to be glowing coals right now, waiting for me to put another log on. Anyway, I'm trying to get back into my old habits and I write in my journal and I finally restrung my mandolin, so I can jam on that sometimes.
I agree though I think we are experiencing similar situations, and when we're back on the beach frisin' with the sun on our face I'm sure we'll be able to look back on what we lived and say, "Pardon!" No, we'll say, "That was good, bring on the next one." I'll have to give "Tuesdays with Morrie" another look through. I haven't read it since eleventh grade.
In other business, yeah I can wake up early on most Saturdays to talk on the interwebs. That makes it Friday night in PA. Also, this PSP has Skype, so once I get a memory card, that should be up.
Regards,
Nige
Feb 1, 2009
I agree with you - context is a huge factor in every aspect of our lives. We're both out of what for 18 years was our "normal" zone and thrown out into a much larger world. It's harder to excel at things now, I think. Maybe you see it this way too. But there are twice as many kids in my chem and spanish classes, and 10 times as many kids in my bio class. You get thrown in with a ton of people and realize that you're maybe not as good at things as you thought you were, or maybe you just don't feel the same way about things as you did in the past.
At the same time, I think seeing things from a different context is extremely beneficial. You get to explore new places, meet new people, try new things, and some of the above you'll like and some you won't, but in the end you've still had the experience. You've been along for the ride. And it's not about redefining yourself and becoming a new person, but rather it's about expanding the definition of yourself. What do you think?
Anyway, would this upcoming saturday morning (your time) be good for a skype session? Just let me know.
Talk to you soon!
-Sam
Feb 2, 2009
You know, the way you put that last sentence, "...It's not about redefining yourself and becoming a new person, but rather it's about expanding the definition of yourself."(Zolin 11-12), that's what I've been trying to capture this past month. It fell on me today, before I read this, but I hadn't quite synthesized an adequate description of what I felt.
At some point here, I did try to reinvent myself culturally, physically, mentally, religiously, morally, but what I found out recently was that it was a step in the wrong direction. As they say in Ret Lion, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it!" So, as I mentioned before, I have been trying to take a look at my older self and build on what I was brought up with.
As far as excelling at things (which for me was mostly artsy things), I've decided that being on top might be nice, but I'm not going to be upset if I remain little known. Actually, I decided this partly through reading a couple issues of an art magazine called Juxtapoz and visiting the Andy Warhol: The Pope of Pop exhibition down the street. It was really at the Andy Warhol thing that I decided I don't have to be famous. There were a brazilian people in there. I used to look up to Andy and gave him a lot of credit. I made a comic book about him following me home and being wierd. However, lately I've felt like it's not his world anymore really.
Anyway, I guess my point with that was that even though I haven't been to art school yet and been surrounded by people that have similar interests and most likely more skeelz than I do, I can relate to the feeling of being just another one of the ants. I think the truth is, though, that even with a ton of other people you still have your own life to decide what to do with and you are the only one really capable of saying the word on things.
So Saturday is on as far as I'm concerned. My PSP is now Skypeable and ready for action. I was wondering if I could post this on my blog. You have my permission to do the same. I just think that this conversation is too good to keep to ourselves. Let me know.
Talk to you Saturday,
Nige
Feb 4, 2009
Dear Nigel,
It's late in the states and I have 9AM class tomorrow, but feel free to post this back-and-forth to your blog. I think we've reached some worthwhile conclusions and maybe some people could reach some new conclusions after seeing ours.
And that actually brings me back to your comment about being "just another ant." The really neat thing about college is that, once you establish yourself with a group of talented and motivated people, you realize that you're still an individual. There are people here who are better than me at biology, better than me at chemistry, better than me at math (the last one isn't very hard), but I'm just a little more advanced than them at other things. But it's not a competition at all. It's collaboration more than anything. If someone knows more math than you, you ask them for help. When they need to have an essay corrected, you give it a look-see. You study with people and work with people and retain your individuality. You may be in a 300 person class, but you have 5-10 people that know your first and last name,where you're from, and with whom you share inside jokes and experiences and all sorts of things. So really college (and by extension, life) isn't about being the best at all things - it's about learning from and teaching other people. It's daycare all over again- learning to share. Except this time it's knowledge and ability. To someone else, you are an expert. You are the best.
(As a side note, Sarah and I went to the Andy Warhol Museum two weekends ago, I believe. It was a really neat experience. He was big on collaboration. One of the coolest exhibits was this room where they had big mylar pillows filled with helium. They were probably the size of four or five regular pillows stacked on top of each other.Anyway, that's all there was in this room, and they had fans blowing the pillows around. And you just go in and push them around and move between them. I think it is called "Silver Clouds.")
Anyway, I guess this all gets back to fame. It's tough to be famous.I think that if you look at a lot of celebrities, you see that a good number of them don't handle fame particularly well. I think I'd rather be a Henry Darger (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_Darger)than an Andy Warhol. The people who really suffer at college are people who feel like they have a right to be famous. They end up realizing that they are completely wrong the hard way. Again, this istrue in life in general.
And it gets back to definition. Every choice is yours as to what you study, what you do, how people end up seeing you. It's a lot like Fable. You choose the things by which people define you. You choose your outlook and how you'll be to people. I see it as having 3 main choices:
1. Withdraw and people don't meet you. Not famous.
2. Try to be better than everyone else. Famous in a bad way.
3. Try to be better than you currently are, in all aspects of your life. People will respect you and see you as a friend.
So I guess this comes back to definition and redefinition. You can't redefine who you are because that implies that you are starting anew. And you can't, you simply can't. You can't give up aspects of yourself immediately. You can't change where you're from and what experiences shaped your world view. You can't lose all traces of your past. One thing I realized is that I do miss York. Do I think that there is a plethora of cultural activities there? No. Do I think that it is a really pretty area? No. Do I like the majority of thepeople there? No. But it's where I'm from and it's what I'm familiar with. You spend 18 years of your life somewhere and it becomes a partof you.
To a large extent, then, you can't change who you are, eg. redefine yourself. What you can do is make additions and subtractions, even infinitesimal ones, that result in self-improvement and learning.Take up yoga or painting or playing a new instrument or taking walksin the park or volunteering. This is expanding. It's probably morework than going to Hot Topic and buying some ironic shirts, but it'smore rewarding when you find something that "clicks."
So here ends this probably rambling, pretentious, and preachy message. I hope you can find some meaning in it, because I think it touches on a lot of things (and none of them exhaustively). I blame it on being written mostly at 1AM. We're still a go for our friday your saturday,so let us know when a good time is for you. We should be around for most of the evening.
Take care and I'll talk to you then!
-Sam
Jan 29, 2009
Hey Nigel,
I am a terrible blog owner and just read your comment from the 14th on my blog, and felt I should respond. I don't know if it was being quasi-sheltered in York for so long, or if we're just going through dramatic changes in our lives and adapting to them is taking more time than we anticipated.
I don't know if this has been your experience, but I know that here there is infinite time. Besides maybe 3 hours of class per day, you end up with a ton of time otherwise where you try to do work and are sometimes successful and you try to be friends with people and are sometimes successful and a lot of times you end up laying awake after your roommate is asleep wondering what you're doing and why things aren't as you imagined them. They aren't worse, just nothing like you expected them to be.
I feel not exclusively taken back, but also pulled forwards. Like the past is grabbing my left arm, the future my right, and they're both leaning back with all of their weight. I feel like I carry the weight of obligations, expectations, successes, and failures from the past,and like I carry that same weight in a different sense for the future. But at this moment it's more or less like the future is simultaneously far-off and right in my face. Time goes so quickly and so slowly. I guess, at least from my perspective, everything is paradoxical and there's no precise, 100% valid description of my experience. I have a hunch that you're feeling somewhat similar.
I don't think there is a way to "change" that. I think it's normal and natural and shows that we're human. I don't know if you've read "Tuesdays With Morrie," but I think one of the general concepts presented is that it is a good thing to feel weird and unusual,because it shows that you're going through new experiences and at the end of them, you can say "Oh, I felt disconnected because I was going through this," and in the future you know why you feel how you do and you can possibly even enjoy the feeling, or at least savor it for awhile. I might be remembering it wrong. You could probably read the whole book in less than an hour.
So anyway, I guess those are my feelings. By the way, I am extremely sorry for not attending the skype/oovoo sessions a week or two ago. One day my roommate was sleeping and the other day i slept in afterwaking up at 7:30am every day. If it would be possible to set one up so that it would be evening in Pennsylvania and morning in Taiwan,that would probably be more do-able for me. But I'd like to talk to you, and Sarah would also like to meet you via skype or oovoo (i'll d/l that tomorrow). Anyway, I have to go to bed, hopefully you'll get this soon. Let me know if/when you do.
Best wishes,
Sam
Jan 31,2009
Thanks, Sam,
Do you remember the chorus from "New Year's Song" (the part that's like "take me out of context)? Well, I didn't really realize when I wrote it just how far out of context I would be taken in a year's time. I don't mean just the distance my body is from where I came to be, I mean finding myself in an almost completely different situation from the one I was in when I left home.
With this whole exchange process, I'm given "parents" and a "family" even some "friends", but when it comes down to it, I'm living alone and for myself, deciding what I think is right, forming my own opinions and beliefs. Maybe it stems from the fact that I'm on vacation right now and I really haven't been kept very busy. I have too much time too get bogged down in thoughts and I figured out one night that I need other people a lot more than I ever imagined.
This is the time my "real" mom wants me to look for scholarships and prepare enough so that my return isn't more uncomfortable than it's already going to be. I feel pretty unproductive lately though. I haven't been drawing and when I do, the fire that allowed me to create things that people liked enough to give me awards seems to be glowing coals right now, waiting for me to put another log on. Anyway, I'm trying to get back into my old habits and I write in my journal and I finally restrung my mandolin, so I can jam on that sometimes.
I agree though I think we are experiencing similar situations, and when we're back on the beach frisin' with the sun on our face I'm sure we'll be able to look back on what we lived and say, "Pardon!" No, we'll say, "That was good, bring on the next one." I'll have to give "Tuesdays with Morrie" another look through. I haven't read it since eleventh grade.
In other business, yeah I can wake up early on most Saturdays to talk on the interwebs. That makes it Friday night in PA. Also, this PSP has Skype, so once I get a memory card, that should be up.
Regards,
Nige
Feb 1, 2009
I agree with you - context is a huge factor in every aspect of our lives. We're both out of what for 18 years was our "normal" zone and thrown out into a much larger world. It's harder to excel at things now, I think. Maybe you see it this way too. But there are twice as many kids in my chem and spanish classes, and 10 times as many kids in my bio class. You get thrown in with a ton of people and realize that you're maybe not as good at things as you thought you were, or maybe you just don't feel the same way about things as you did in the past.
At the same time, I think seeing things from a different context is extremely beneficial. You get to explore new places, meet new people, try new things, and some of the above you'll like and some you won't, but in the end you've still had the experience. You've been along for the ride. And it's not about redefining yourself and becoming a new person, but rather it's about expanding the definition of yourself. What do you think?
Anyway, would this upcoming saturday morning (your time) be good for a skype session? Just let me know.
Talk to you soon!
-Sam
Feb 2, 2009
You know, the way you put that last sentence, "...It's not about redefining yourself and becoming a new person, but rather it's about expanding the definition of yourself."(Zolin 11-12), that's what I've been trying to capture this past month. It fell on me today, before I read this, but I hadn't quite synthesized an adequate description of what I felt.
At some point here, I did try to reinvent myself culturally, physically, mentally, religiously, morally, but what I found out recently was that it was a step in the wrong direction. As they say in Ret Lion, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it!" So, as I mentioned before, I have been trying to take a look at my older self and build on what I was brought up with.
As far as excelling at things (which for me was mostly artsy things), I've decided that being on top might be nice, but I'm not going to be upset if I remain little known. Actually, I decided this partly through reading a couple issues of an art magazine called Juxtapoz and visiting the Andy Warhol: The Pope of Pop exhibition down the street. It was really at the Andy Warhol thing that I decided I don't have to be famous. There were a brazilian people in there. I used to look up to Andy and gave him a lot of credit. I made a comic book about him following me home and being wierd. However, lately I've felt like it's not his world anymore really.
Anyway, I guess my point with that was that even though I haven't been to art school yet and been surrounded by people that have similar interests and most likely more skeelz than I do, I can relate to the feeling of being just another one of the ants. I think the truth is, though, that even with a ton of other people you still have your own life to decide what to do with and you are the only one really capable of saying the word on things.
So Saturday is on as far as I'm concerned. My PSP is now Skypeable and ready for action. I was wondering if I could post this on my blog. You have my permission to do the same. I just think that this conversation is too good to keep to ourselves. Let me know.
Talk to you Saturday,
Nige
Feb 4, 2009
Dear Nigel,
It's late in the states and I have 9AM class tomorrow, but feel free to post this back-and-forth to your blog. I think we've reached some worthwhile conclusions and maybe some people could reach some new conclusions after seeing ours.
And that actually brings me back to your comment about being "just another ant." The really neat thing about college is that, once you establish yourself with a group of talented and motivated people, you realize that you're still an individual. There are people here who are better than me at biology, better than me at chemistry, better than me at math (the last one isn't very hard), but I'm just a little more advanced than them at other things. But it's not a competition at all. It's collaboration more than anything. If someone knows more math than you, you ask them for help. When they need to have an essay corrected, you give it a look-see. You study with people and work with people and retain your individuality. You may be in a 300 person class, but you have 5-10 people that know your first and last name,where you're from, and with whom you share inside jokes and experiences and all sorts of things. So really college (and by extension, life) isn't about being the best at all things - it's about learning from and teaching other people. It's daycare all over again- learning to share. Except this time it's knowledge and ability. To someone else, you are an expert. You are the best.
(As a side note, Sarah and I went to the Andy Warhol Museum two weekends ago, I believe. It was a really neat experience. He was big on collaboration. One of the coolest exhibits was this room where they had big mylar pillows filled with helium. They were probably the size of four or five regular pillows stacked on top of each other.Anyway, that's all there was in this room, and they had fans blowing the pillows around. And you just go in and push them around and move between them. I think it is called "Silver Clouds.")
Anyway, I guess this all gets back to fame. It's tough to be famous.I think that if you look at a lot of celebrities, you see that a good number of them don't handle fame particularly well. I think I'd rather be a Henry Darger (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_Darger)than an Andy Warhol. The people who really suffer at college are people who feel like they have a right to be famous. They end up realizing that they are completely wrong the hard way. Again, this istrue in life in general.
And it gets back to definition. Every choice is yours as to what you study, what you do, how people end up seeing you. It's a lot like Fable. You choose the things by which people define you. You choose your outlook and how you'll be to people. I see it as having 3 main choices:
1. Withdraw and people don't meet you. Not famous.
2. Try to be better than everyone else. Famous in a bad way.
3. Try to be better than you currently are, in all aspects of your life. People will respect you and see you as a friend.
So I guess this comes back to definition and redefinition. You can't redefine who you are because that implies that you are starting anew. And you can't, you simply can't. You can't give up aspects of yourself immediately. You can't change where you're from and what experiences shaped your world view. You can't lose all traces of your past. One thing I realized is that I do miss York. Do I think that there is a plethora of cultural activities there? No. Do I think that it is a really pretty area? No. Do I like the majority of thepeople there? No. But it's where I'm from and it's what I'm familiar with. You spend 18 years of your life somewhere and it becomes a partof you.
To a large extent, then, you can't change who you are, eg. redefine yourself. What you can do is make additions and subtractions, even infinitesimal ones, that result in self-improvement and learning.Take up yoga or painting or playing a new instrument or taking walksin the park or volunteering. This is expanding. It's probably morework than going to Hot Topic and buying some ironic shirts, but it'smore rewarding when you find something that "clicks."
So here ends this probably rambling, pretentious, and preachy message. I hope you can find some meaning in it, because I think it touches on a lot of things (and none of them exhaustively). I blame it on being written mostly at 1AM. We're still a go for our friday your saturday,so let us know when a good time is for you. We should be around for most of the evening.
Take care and I'll talk to you then!
-Sam
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Almost half an hour ago..
I saw an unconscious man in the street as he was run over by another vehicle. The first instance I viewed this I thought he was a dummy, but it quickly occurred to me that this life I'm living is not a movie as much as I would like it to be. My mind is really shaken right now because I was caught completely off-gaurd. What really got me is that everyone else standing around was too. It was like they were expecting him to get up and be completely fine. The only thing I could think to do was ask somebody if they were calling 119 and then I saw that at least three people were.
I walked on, and as I did I realized that even a few feet away, people didn't know that any man had been injured, that a man was losing his blood in the street. The world doesn't stop for anyone. I'm rattled.
This happened on top of being weighed down by the fact that after not seeing my family and friends for a eon, as soon as I return I will be immediately starting a job as a camp counselor in Maryland. From what they explained to me during an interview on Skype two days ago it's a beyond full time job that lasts from June 14 to August 19 and it pays $1300 for the summer (an extra $15 a week cause I'm an Eagle Scout). So now, it seems to me like the moment I stepped onto the plane in Harrisburg, I moved my life into phase two and nothing's ever going to go back to the way it was.
So my next five years are accounted for now, no worries. I'll just work on planning out the five years after that.
I really hope something rocks my world before that happens, but I really hope it's not getting run over by a car.
I walked on, and as I did I realized that even a few feet away, people didn't know that any man had been injured, that a man was losing his blood in the street. The world doesn't stop for anyone. I'm rattled.
This happened on top of being weighed down by the fact that after not seeing my family and friends for a eon, as soon as I return I will be immediately starting a job as a camp counselor in Maryland. From what they explained to me during an interview on Skype two days ago it's a beyond full time job that lasts from June 14 to August 19 and it pays $1300 for the summer (an extra $15 a week cause I'm an Eagle Scout). So now, it seems to me like the moment I stepped onto the plane in Harrisburg, I moved my life into phase two and nothing's ever going to go back to the way it was.
So my next five years are accounted for now, no worries. I'll just work on planning out the five years after that.
I really hope something rocks my world before that happens, but I really hope it's not getting run over by a car.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
A 180 Kickflip, if I could skate.
Yesterday, I went to the movies with my friend Leo from SSSH. I had some free tickets, so it wasn't very expensive. We saw Madagascar 2 and I laughed and tried really hard to cry, but I just sort of "welled up" instead, which isn't very fun.
After that, we took the MRT to meet up with Renaat and some exchange students from the other Taipei district. It seems like they all have misplaced priorities, and I guess I've experienced that as well at times, but their misplaced priorities cause them to run out of money and resort to less than savory methods of getting around the city.
At some point, we were at a Pizza Hut with these people and the guy from Berlin started making a mess, so I turned to Leo and we paid for our drinks and headed for Taipei 101 where my oldest sister was celebrating her birthday at Diamond Tony's Italian Restaurant Since 1988 (it said that at the top of all their plates). It was probably the most uplifting meal I've had in a long time.
After that, we took the MRT to meet up with Renaat and some exchange students from the other Taipei district. It seems like they all have misplaced priorities, and I guess I've experienced that as well at times, but their misplaced priorities cause them to run out of money and resort to less than savory methods of getting around the city.
At some point, we were at a Pizza Hut with these people and the guy from Berlin started making a mess, so I turned to Leo and we paid for our drinks and headed for Taipei 101 where my oldest sister was celebrating her birthday at Diamond Tony's Italian Restaurant Since 1988 (it said that at the top of all their plates). It was probably the most uplifting meal I've had in a long time.
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