Habits, Addictions, and Settling (Much To My Dismay)

The time is ripe and I feel as though I have something to relate here. Today is October 22nd, exactly two months after my arrival. The true span of this time, though, is nebulous to me. At times, I tell myself, "Well, it hasn't been that long. Only two months, you have quite the while ahead of you." However, there are times when the adjustments of my body tell me I have survived many, many days on this island.

I have developed a few unexplainable and perhaps irrational addictions these past weeks. The one that immediately comes to mind is playing the game of Solitaire in a manner that could be called hysterical. ... Just talking about it makes me want to play a few games right now on this computer, but I know that I will lose the first 3 games and once I do eventually "win" one, I will be so pleased as to believe that I might possibly win the next one. Needless to say, I need to replace that habit with something more progressive.

A second addiction takes the form of any substance involving chocolate. Chocolate milk, a Japanese brand of dark chocolate, chocolate that you're supposed to use for fondue, chocolate ice cream, etc. All have been slowly enjoyed or quickly devoured.

Just now, I found my favorite radio station out of Philiadelphia online, which I think is pretty cool. They just happened to be playing a song that's been on my mind (Les Artistes by Santogold). Of course, as I listen right now they have the morning show going on, but also a pledge drive ('cause they're public radio). Whatever. This should probably be on the list now too, anyway. Apparently it costs $50 to play one song on the radio.

So, the last topic today is settling (much to my dismay). "Summer camp" ended awhile ago. "The honeymoon period" which I think I skipped, wouldn't have lasted very long anyway. What I feel now is a sense that this is my home and that I'm like most of the other kids at my high school. What I mean by "(much to my dismay)" is that the things I'm settling into, and that I'm settling at all, is not quite what I expected.

Before I stepped off of the plane and actually realized I was in Taiwan, I had been convincing myself for at least two months that I didn't have any expectations, which I believed, at the time, was the tolerant thing to do. The reality is that I did have expectations, from grandiose things, like living in some sort of hotel-like building, to little things, like all my classmates being very studious compared to most American kids. What I had done prior to arriving here was bury all speculation as to what my future held in Taiwan. The only thing I left on my mind was that I was embarking on what I believed (and continue to believe) would be the first of many great adventures.

What happened with the supressed expectations is that something would trigger one of them (such as the expectation that getting to and from school would be a simple and relatively painless ordeal) and I would have to accept the reality of the situation (it takes over an hour to get to school and the public transit and walking I use to get there often leaves me fatigued). My biggest example of coping with a denied expectation is, again, language. I expected to pick up Chinese in "no time at all" (which really isn't a specific time to begin with). In reality, I must fight an uphill battle everyday in which everything seems so apparent in my Chinese class, but then I go into my highschool and I talk to my Rotary Club and my host mom. Everything becomes muddled and I understand three sounds I think are words and the rest is mumbling to me. That's being a little unfair to myself though because there have been times where I have understood something that was said by a native speaker that other exchange students may have missed.

One thing that makes the hill even steeper is the quiet lacking of books and materials that I feel would help my process of becoming fluent. I was in a bookstore today (I suppose not tone frequented by foreigners) and I found only three different books for English speakers learning Chinese amongst the hundreds of "Learn English" books. It's a little frustrating.

That's enough about that though. Good things continue to happen. For you, a list:

• I have been learning Tai Chi Chuan the past two Wednesday (which are culture learning days). I will be performing with 19 others at the Coming of Age Ceremony held by the Rotary Club at the Confucious Temple in Taipei.
• Yesterday, I played the Erhu, a traditional Chinese instrument much like the violin, for the very first time. I found it to be very simple to play and now feel that I must have one (they aren't so expensive here, so it shouldn't be much of a problem to procure one).
• I've been reading a book about finding Taiwan's identity, which has proven to be quite a struggle (finding the identity, I mean).
• I have decided to enjoy, rather than despise, the morning companionship of the other foreign exchange students. This has, I believe, led me to enjoy myself a great deal more, even through this process of "settling".

I'll admit, I miss my bros: Sam, Vince, and Eric, I miss my brethren: Lyle and Jarik, I miss a certain girl in Germany, and I miss Mom and Dad and the dog, too.